Blessings and sorrows intermingle

I feel like my life is full of the intermingling of blessings and sorrows.  I'm greatful that I'm feeling, seeing and understanding the blessings more easily.  Over the last year I knew there were blessings there, but I had to strain really hard to see them through the sorrow.  If I pushed back the vail of sorrow, squinted my eyes and focused then I could have pulled some blessings out.

Now I feel like blessings and sorrows are flowing and intermingling. 

Just a few practical things.  The week before Dave got his job:
The car wouldn't start one afternoon.  Dave had been driving it just an hour before and it was fine - but all of a sudden it just wouldn't start.  We have left our lights on several times over the last year - so we though it was the battery.  Dave took the battery out and took it to a car supply shop (AUTO ZONE or something) and they said the battery was fine.  My pressure started to rise.  My step dad came home that evening and guess what?  They worked on the car for about an hour - replaced a fuse and THAT WAS IT!  It only cost a few bucks!!! BLESSINGS!

A few days later Dave and I were taking Micah to the park (Dave's last day off during the week) and the tire to the van was FLAT - COMPLETELY FLAT!  These tires are less than 3 months old.  Dave, Micah and I changed the tire.  Dave insisted that we take it to NTB where we got the tires.  They fixed it for free.  BLESSINGS!

Dave's new job started last week.  We are so excited to have him working at such a great place - Sysco foods.  Insurance starts right away (which is huge for us) and things seem very great at the work place.  I have not found a job yet - I am really feeling disjointed and sad about the whole thing.  I keep praying about it and I feel like God just really wants me to be present in the moments that I have right now - enjoying cooking, being with my kids, riding bikes, playing in parks and relaxing.  I am so conflicted and having such a hard time (as I usually do) keeping my mind in the presence.  I keep wishing and dreaming for the job that I want.  I keep hoping for something great.  I am pretty certain (living with faith intermingled with doubt) that God will bring the perfect job for me at the right moment.  I am pretty sure that it will probably come sometime in January.  It's so hard to find job postings and get someone to interview me in the middle of this holiday season.  Until that time I need to press on and continue to apply AND be at peace and enjoy the time with my kids.  Over the last year I have continually MORNED the fact that I missed my kids so much - they were in day care 9 hours a day and I was so sad about that.  I am enjoying my children - being with them is so fun right now.  I get a whole week with them to myself the week of Christmas.  All this is very exciting for me.  In the midst of wanting to enjoy my kids and the moments that I have with them I find my mind wandering.  Thinking, wishing and hoping about a job.  Thinking, wishing and hoping about a house.  My mind, my imagination - is simply my sin that steals my joy.

Today I can say is a good day.  Sometimes I see blessings EVERYWHERE - I don't even have to strain or work hard to enjoy life or the blessings that God is bringing to us here.  Then there are times I feel like I'm a total emotional mess.  Sometimes I don't feel like I don't have a purpose here.  Dave is working, Tyler is at school and when my mom is home - Micah just wants her.  So once I have applied for all the jobs that I can - what is my purpose?  What am I to do?  Why am I here?  I NEED to be working.  I miss my job in Ohio.  I miss my friends; I even miss my house; my furniture.

I am hoping and waiting for one job with HACS - Houston Area Community Services.  A combination Housing and Medical services agency.  I have interviewed and applied for the Director of Housing Services.  The supervisor said that they wouldn't be able to do anything until after the first of the year.

This week I have two more interviews - at places that I'm not so excited about - BUT - I could love it; once I interview and hear the benefits or something.  I'll wait and see.