Do you ever have a time when you feel like so much is going on and yet so little is really happening, all at the very same time?
Just over 1 week ago I moved here to Houston; this seems like such a long time ago. I still am not here, fully here in Texas. But that is growing. Many times when we are out I talk about where we are staying as "Grandma and Grandpa's house" - everyone else calls it home. I think I finally caught myself calling this place "home".
This week - Thanksgiving week - I find many things to be thankful for. Family - WOW! That is obvious. But this year I get to be with my closest family. This is exciting for me. I really have wanted this for a long time (although I wanted my parents to move to Ohio - not the other way around).
A few months ago I was praying and had a vision about my relationship with my husband. In this vision I saw myself fading in to the background and blending in to some (rather unpleasant looking) wallpaper. That isn't (I don't think) the most important part of this vision (although it's the part that scares me the most). The most important part of this vision was that Dave was being lifted up and a light was shining on him and from him. It is Dave's time to shine. Can I just tell you - Dave is being primed right here in the house of his in-laws to shine brighter and brighter. THIS is how and where he is shining. He is so happy here. He is so relaxed, confident, secure.....happy. I can't explain it fully. He has always said that "we'll have a better quality of life if we live in Houston, close to your parents." I feel this is truer now than I have ever thought. THIS is bringing Dave a better quality of life. This is so good for him. The parental guidance, love, care and concern that he is getting from my parents is the best he has ever gotten. It's what he has always wanted and needed. NOW he has it and it's amazing. Praise God. This is humbling and challenging for me - feeling like I should have been able to create this atmosphere for him where he could have a higher/better quality of life. Shouldn't I have loved and encouraged him enough to do this for him? I feel I have failed him in this way. YET many times I have said (and would still say) - I don't want to be his mother. It is sweet to hear Dave call my mom "mom".
So, now Tyler is here with me and my thoughts will be more distracted.
There are things that I continue to hope for - to make me feel more secure here. Security - right - that is what I want. I can say, that I used to feel extremely guilty for wanting security. The Christian life isn't supposed to be easy, comfortable - we always say as "American Christians" to challenge us to be OK with not having everything we want. But you know what - security and wanting that for me and my family is a GOOD thing. God wants to give GOOD gifts to his kids. So I'm going to continue to ask for this.
Today I have felt a little board, lazy (something that I wanted to feel once I got here - since I feel like I have worked my ass off so much over the last year). So it came - with a little guilt but more of a sense from God....that for now (although I don't think this will be for long) this is a season. Enjoy this season of life being slower. I WILL enjoy this. I am enjoying life being a bit slow and easier (when it comes to work especially).
The emotions are still more challenging. The desire to see our house sold. Jobs and financial security. The ability to pay off mounds of medical bills would be great. But there is progress.
1. The house has a final close date (this is our 2nd final close date - just to remind you) of 11/26. This would be amazing. We wouldn't have to pay our mortgage for December - which we really don't have the $$ to do.
2. I had an interview this week with a statewide advocacy agency The Immunization Partnership....Director of Operations. I interviewed with the executive director and at the end of the interview she went on and on about how she really wants to fill the position but only wants the right person, has been waiting for the right person and won't settle for just anyone; explained the process (next step is to interview with the rest of the small staff) and then offered me the next step interview. I'm not totally geeked about the area of service, but an admin job like this could get me a lot of excellent next step experience in my career. The Director of Operations is a new position and is the 2nd in command at this statewide agency that is rapidly growing. Monday I interview with all the staff in Houston and another day next week I will have a phone interview with the Austin staff. After that (if I make it past this mark) I would interview with the Board of Directors. Crazy really.
3. Dave's job interview process continues to be hopeful. Several agencies are interested in possibly placing him in a position - but since it's the holiday weekend he has been told not to expect to hear anything this week. This is hopeful. I'm hoping that something really pans out for him that is just the job he needs.
So above are the continued and ongoing prayer lists that we have. In addition - friends, good health (everyone, except Tyler, in this house has been on an antibiotic at least once in the last month) and most importatnly continued communion with God!
Blessings!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Week 1
One week ago today (7 days and 12 hours to be exact) I was leaving Columbus, Ohio to make the LONG journey to move myself (and join my family) in Houston, Texas. Although the trip took us 18 hours to drive (and one marvelous night in a hotel) the journey is not over.
Thinking of Ohio:
I talk about Ohio as if I'm still there. I am, in may ways still there emotionally. My dearest and nearest friends live there. I'm thinking about Heidi tonight, and that the last time I saw her at her house she (of course) made me and the kids a delicious chocolate cake with the best icing ever. Her kids and mine played so wonderfully (as usually) and we enjoyed each other and the kids. Tonight, as we were playing with our kids, I thought about the friends that I and my children have left behind. Tyler and Micah may not remember them - but I will. My heart aches for Heidi, now. Tomorrow night some of my best girlfriends in Ohio will be gathering to share and pray. I will not get to join them. Carol - I so miss you - the many wonderful things that you are. You are so smart, a wonderful mother an excellent servant and lover of God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I'm sure you will be getting some words from God tomorrow at group. I will miss hearing and seeing how God speaks through you. Maureen, each and every time I interact with you - I am blown away by how genuine and positive you are - at the same time. I strive to be like you. Erin - oh sweet Erin - you are so amazing - always wanting for something more for yourself and for the others around you. You though you may not know it - have IT. I feel like that whatever it is you continue to strive for YOU have IT. I experienced it when you spent time with me, made me dinner and called me during one of the darkest times in my life. Unconditional love!
I've thought so many times about my job. The most amazing job. The people I have left behind there (both colleagues and clients) and how I continue to be touched by them. I just want to fly back and forth every week and still work there. What was I thinking leaving this job? I hope and pray that I find something I can love and do as well. Oh THIS job - can anything compare? The volunteers and medical professionals I wish I could see one more time.
Doctor's. I just want to take Tyler to see Dr. Ali Carine - one last time (or forever). As Tyler progressing in school and I feel the demands that the specialists wish for him; I just wish for one more encounter with Ali - with the wonderful OMT that she does. He needs another adjustment!! :)
Living in Houston:
The things that I have experienced this week are way different than I have ever expected. That is the way life is though, right?
Employment: I thought that I practically had a job set up for me to slip in to in the next couple of weeks. The job/program itself is an absolute mess. The agency really needs someone to come in and improve/grow the program. I totally can do this for them. It's not as hard as they think. They just haven't had the right person to do it. The PROBLEM is the main reason they haven't had a good person (or been fully staffed) is because their cheapest health insurance for a family costs $22,000 + a year - total out of cost pocket for the employee. WTF - really? Unf**ing believable. I could maybe swallow this if I was making $100,000 a year. But the $22,000 is over 50% of the income that I would receive. This, I think is totally unethical! So we have to re-evaluate. I'm not sure if I'm going to turn down the job - but I'm certainly not going to take their SHIT insurance and I'm going to let them know - I think what they are doing is TOTALLY unethical! Maybe they'll change their minds about employing me :)
Living situation: Living with my parents has been amazing. Truly a blessing and very fun. Tonight my mom said that she feels like I'm doing all the work around the house and she's hardly doing anything. Yet I feel the same. Communal living - that's how it works. Everyone pitches in a bit and then the load seems much lighter. I've always liked the thought of communal living. Now actually doing it is great!!!! (one week in to it!) - I hope I won't have a hard time once I have to give it up.
Friends: Right - I don't have friends here. But today Tyler's school had a "clean up the school" day (or something like that) and we went. It was held by the PTA - something I have totally tried to avoid. But these people were some of the nicest and most inviting people I have met (maybe they just want me to join the PTA - I don't know). They asked about us, they shared job information and Oh my God in Heaven above - they were the most egalitarian group I have worked alongside in a long time. Men carrying babies, women lugging mulch. It was great to see these people at work. I'm actually going to go to a PTA meeting as a result (mostly because Tyler will be singing with his class on stage afterwards) but hey - I want to see these people again. It was fun!
Prayer requests - Please pray that we find jobs that will really work with our schedule and medical needs. Pray that medical insurance. Please pray about our stupid house in Ohio. It still hasn't closed. It feels so - distant and minor - not that we aren't there. But really - this has to sell or we will have to rent it. This can't go on forever!
As - always there could be much more to share and there will be more to come!
Thinking of Ohio:
I talk about Ohio as if I'm still there. I am, in may ways still there emotionally. My dearest and nearest friends live there. I'm thinking about Heidi tonight, and that the last time I saw her at her house she (of course) made me and the kids a delicious chocolate cake with the best icing ever. Her kids and mine played so wonderfully (as usually) and we enjoyed each other and the kids. Tonight, as we were playing with our kids, I thought about the friends that I and my children have left behind. Tyler and Micah may not remember them - but I will. My heart aches for Heidi, now. Tomorrow night some of my best girlfriends in Ohio will be gathering to share and pray. I will not get to join them. Carol - I so miss you - the many wonderful things that you are. You are so smart, a wonderful mother an excellent servant and lover of God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I'm sure you will be getting some words from God tomorrow at group. I will miss hearing and seeing how God speaks through you. Maureen, each and every time I interact with you - I am blown away by how genuine and positive you are - at the same time. I strive to be like you. Erin - oh sweet Erin - you are so amazing - always wanting for something more for yourself and for the others around you. You though you may not know it - have IT. I feel like that whatever it is you continue to strive for YOU have IT. I experienced it when you spent time with me, made me dinner and called me during one of the darkest times in my life. Unconditional love!
I've thought so many times about my job. The most amazing job. The people I have left behind there (both colleagues and clients) and how I continue to be touched by them. I just want to fly back and forth every week and still work there. What was I thinking leaving this job? I hope and pray that I find something I can love and do as well. Oh THIS job - can anything compare? The volunteers and medical professionals I wish I could see one more time.
Doctor's. I just want to take Tyler to see Dr. Ali Carine - one last time (or forever). As Tyler progressing in school and I feel the demands that the specialists wish for him; I just wish for one more encounter with Ali - with the wonderful OMT that she does. He needs another adjustment!! :)
Living in Houston:
The things that I have experienced this week are way different than I have ever expected. That is the way life is though, right?
Employment: I thought that I practically had a job set up for me to slip in to in the next couple of weeks. The job/program itself is an absolute mess. The agency really needs someone to come in and improve/grow the program. I totally can do this for them. It's not as hard as they think. They just haven't had the right person to do it. The PROBLEM is the main reason they haven't had a good person (or been fully staffed) is because their cheapest health insurance for a family costs $22,000 + a year - total out of cost pocket for the employee. WTF - really? Unf**ing believable. I could maybe swallow this if I was making $100,000 a year. But the $22,000 is over 50% of the income that I would receive. This, I think is totally unethical! So we have to re-evaluate. I'm not sure if I'm going to turn down the job - but I'm certainly not going to take their SHIT insurance and I'm going to let them know - I think what they are doing is TOTALLY unethical! Maybe they'll change their minds about employing me :)
Living situation: Living with my parents has been amazing. Truly a blessing and very fun. Tonight my mom said that she feels like I'm doing all the work around the house and she's hardly doing anything. Yet I feel the same. Communal living - that's how it works. Everyone pitches in a bit and then the load seems much lighter. I've always liked the thought of communal living. Now actually doing it is great!!!! (one week in to it!) - I hope I won't have a hard time once I have to give it up.
Friends: Right - I don't have friends here. But today Tyler's school had a "clean up the school" day (or something like that) and we went. It was held by the PTA - something I have totally tried to avoid. But these people were some of the nicest and most inviting people I have met (maybe they just want me to join the PTA - I don't know). They asked about us, they shared job information and Oh my God in Heaven above - they were the most egalitarian group I have worked alongside in a long time. Men carrying babies, women lugging mulch. It was great to see these people at work. I'm actually going to go to a PTA meeting as a result (mostly because Tyler will be singing with his class on stage afterwards) but hey - I want to see these people again. It was fun!
Prayer requests - Please pray that we find jobs that will really work with our schedule and medical needs. Pray that medical insurance. Please pray about our stupid house in Ohio. It still hasn't closed. It feels so - distant and minor - not that we aren't there. But really - this has to sell or we will have to rent it. This can't go on forever!
As - always there could be much more to share and there will be more to come!
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